[station]: The End of the Beginning.

Well, here we go. It's all over at last.

I figured I might try this journal thing, since it's about all I have to talk to while I'm stuck in this cell. Yeah, ha ha, they're probably going to execute me for treason in a week or two, and I've finally decided to start a journal. Yep, that's Corey, the perpetual screw-up.

I think I would have meant that three weeks ago, but now I really am too exhausted to think about it much.

Yeah. It is kinda funny when you think about it--I go off for two weeks as a psychotic murderer, nearly commit regicide, and afterwards I feel a whooole lot better about myself. I think that could be his hand in things. He just never cared about what people thought as long as he was getting his job done.

That's a funny thing, too. I was used to being afraid, of feeling like there was this other person in my mind that was just waiting to take over and turn me back into some kind of murderous monster. And then, poof, it happens, and here I am two weeks later, and I just...I'm not scared of that anymore.

If there's one good thing out of this, it's that I'm not scared of myself anymore. I am still scared of death, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to die...but, well...

I don't know. If I weren't so tired and I didn't hurt so much, I'd probably cry or something. Nobody's ever going to trust me again. I mean, I really screwed up this time. And I am beginning to think that the only reason I stopped before I went any further is we were just so worn out from the pain that it was either surrender or...

...well, we expected to die today. I guess we did, since Station and the Player don't exist anymore. There's just...me. Corey Michaels. PSX.

A Gamemaster without a home. A Gamemaster who's probably going to be the first one to die in Videoland.

Not like I belonged here anyway. This--isn't my place. The Ultimate Warp Zone didn't open for me personally, I just happened to get in the way when Travis cheated his into existence. And then I got yanked through, and the whole world knows the story after that.

Ow. My ribs hurt really bad. So does my back. I think Dual actually broke it yesterday when he set off that LAM in my card. I sure couldn't feel my feet for a while.

Most of me hurts, actually. It has for a while, but we were ignoring it. It might actually be nice to just get put down, if it will stop the hurting.

I keep waffling over this. Augh. Why are you so dumb, Corey? You know what's going to happen. They're either going to find you guilty of treason and attempted regicide and have you executed, or they're not. This is the same kind of problem that got you into trouble in the first place. You need to shut up, suck it up, and realize that most people don't actually care. In fact, a lot of the Palace is going to want to kill you. You see those guards outside the cell door? What do you want to bet they aren't there to keep you from escaping, but to keep someone from breaking in and killing you before you stand trial?

Comforting thought, ain't it?

I wonder what's wrong with Lana. She kept forgiving me right down until the end. That just isn't natural.

I want to talk to Shaun about this. Or someone. But mostly Shaun. He's probably going to yell at me for screwing up again.

Okay. I can do this. I will wait for them to sentence me before I start panicking. I will stay right here, and I will think very hard about what's happened.

I can't do this. I'm scared. Okay, I would be scared if I weren't exhausted and I didn't hurt like hell.

I feel so...broken. A part of me is mended, but a lot of my life just won't be the same. If I'm allowed to live it, and all.

I'm only twenty. Twenty and a couple of months. I'm supposed to be in college doing stupid stuff, not...standing trial for treason. I am really not sure I like this Videoland thing, having been around for six years now. It...hurts too much. Nobody's supposed to die in video games. The good guys always win, and there's enough magic left in the end to put everything back together. It's...supposed to be fun, not some kind of responsibility.

I have to keep on going. I don't have the option to quit now or to stop caring about Videoland. I've done so much damage already that...that...I just can't.

I'm tired. I'm going to sleep.

[PSX]