muse: Another log.
May. 5th, 2003 02:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coronaviridaeInterestingly enough, this was done on AIM. I am Tesseract Seraph; Oannes' player is Ius Iuris. The first comment I make is as me the player; from there on out, everything I 'say' is Abernathy, and everything Ius has to say is Oannes.
Tesseract Seraph: *stares at M3Abby* Please stop screaming and throwing yourself against the walls, dear. You're going to hurt yourself.
Ius Iuris: Yeah really.
Tesseract Seraph: *curls up in a corner and just sobs, then*
Ius Iuris: *scritches quietly*
Tesseract Seraph: *stops crying and just remains curled up*
Ius Iuris: *snug* y'know, if you just ... quit work and became a vigilante, this wouldn't be a problem.
Tesseract Seraph: What, and work outside the law? Alone? I won't do much. The Hunters won't take me in, I've got nothingfor them.
Ius Iuris: hey, I'm still around. You won't exactly be alone.
Tesseract Seraph: *uncurls and looks up at Oannes* But how much do you think we could really do?
Ius Iuris: *deadpan* How much did it really do when Kennedy got shot?
Ius Iuris: All it takes is the right target. :D
Tesseract Seraph: ...That's true. I'd argue Kennedy, though. Conspiracies, and all.
Ius Iuris: but it changed a lot.
Tesseract Seraph: It did, that's true.
Tesseract Seraph: *looks down at the floor* I can't keep doing this, Misha. And I can't run away.
Ius Iuris: so stop doing it. Isn't that easy enough? Stop doing it. Stop chasing ideals you can't reach right now, and learn to live again. All you're doing now is /surviving/. What kind of example does that set for Melissa? Look what it's doing to your health.
Tesseract Seraph: So? I have a job to do. If I step down...lord. Can you imagine the inquest? I'm already a traitor; who else knows what they might find on my record. I'm not even a fraction as pure as I aspire to be. Or aspired. It doesn't matter anymore. I have a /job/.
Ius Iuris: Your job is not your life.
Ius Iuris: Your job cannot raise your little girl.
Ius Iuris: You are -not- your job, Adrian.
Tesseract Seraph: *looks down*
Ius Iuris: Records and inquests are worthless. Meaningless. It's all paper and nonsense, there's nothing there, no feeling, no hope, no life. With your family there is. With you, there is. Maybe a balance can be struck, but maybe you need to take a step back. It's high time you find yourself a touchstone and actually use it. When was the last time you bothered to try to let go?
like this, not this way.
Tesseract Seraph: *very quiet, and very scared* What did I want, then, Misha?
Ius Iuris: I'm no ESPer. But .. I think what you wanted was a way to make a difference. To show the world that maybe justice does exist, that maybe governments don't have to be corrupt. That maybe there is a diamond in the rough.
Tesseract Seraph: And don't I have that...now?
Ius Iuris: No.
Tesseract Seraph: /Why/?
Ius Iuris: Because you feel you didn't earn it.
Tesseract Seraph: *is silent*
Ius Iuris: Because you don't think you earned it, you set a higher standard than is humanly possible, to prove that you did earn it, that you can do it, when you're already going above and beyond. Because of that, what you wanted has become a hated burden.
Tesseract Seraph: ...
Ius Iuris: What you've earned, little brother ... is a little rest, for a little while.
Ius Iuris: You're fighting a battle you don't think you're ready for.
Ius Iuris: So wait until you are.
Tesseract Seraph: *in a very small voice* ...I don't have that time.
Ius Iuris: You are very young, Adrian. Very young. There is time yet.
Ius Iuris: well. Young in the 'grand scheme of things', as it's been put.
Ius Iuris: There's time yet to do other things first.
Tesseract Seraph: ...No, there's /not/ time. I'm /dying/, Misha. Think about that a moment--I have, at /best/, another year. If what I'm told is correct. I don't /have/ that time; it's not just being unable to lay the burden down, it's that the time isn't /there/.
Tesseract Seraph: *frightened* And I swear to God I'm not going under the knife again if I can help it.
Ius Iuris: You're not dying, little brother. Because I will not let you. There are ways, and not all that require a knifing.
Tesseract Seraph: *silence, then:* ...stop doing this to me.
Ius Iuris: I can't. I love you. You're the only brother I have.
Tesseract Seraph: Then why are you taking away everything I have to stand on? Everything I had to fight for? You were /gone/ for eight years, Misha! I had to learn to rely on my own decisions, on what I knew was right--and now you're telling me that, that--all of this is wrong? That my life since the beginning of the year has been one big /mistake/ founded in, in--accepting something I *thought* I wanted?
Tesseract Seraph: Something I can't hold on to, for the sake of my own health and sanity?
Ius Iuris: Am I wrong?
Ius Iuris: Sometimes, in order to repair a home one must tear down the old walls and rebuild them. Sometimes one must tear down everything to rebuild them.
Ius Iuris: If I have to break down what's killing you to make you better I'll do it. Because there is nothing worth more to me than you.
Tesseract Seraph: *whispered* Stop it. Please. I'm /scared/. I've never had a moment of stability in my life, I've never had the chance to just get something *right* and have everyone agree that I'm not screwing up for once...
Ius Iuris: Let me help. I'm not going to go away if you brush me aside. I'm not going to leave again. If you can't stand on your own, dammit let me help you.
Tesseract Seraph: ...
Ius Iuris: *quiet* I refuse to let you go, you hear me? I -refuse-.
Tesseract Seraph: *nods, once* ...I hear you.
Ius Iuris: *sighs, quietly. Sounds tired. And older than he is* Get some sleep, Adrian. You need your rest.
Tesseract Seraph: *whispers* I'm not very good at this, am I? *gets up, and sneaks off*
Ius Iuris: you are. and were. Give it time..
Tesseract Seraph: *echoes, one last time:* I don't have time. *gone*
So. That was cool. And I'm thinking of finding a way to shoehorn it into M3-IC Continuity, because curse it, it was GOOD.
A lot more emotionally charged than some scenes I've had ICly in the past, though my current run have been very, very good.
facelessmuse
Tesseract Seraph: *stares at M3Abby* Please stop screaming and throwing yourself against the walls, dear. You're going to hurt yourself.
Ius Iuris: Yeah really.
Tesseract Seraph: *curls up in a corner and just sobs, then*
Ius Iuris: *scritches quietly*
Tesseract Seraph: *stops crying and just remains curled up*
Ius Iuris: *snug* y'know, if you just ... quit work and became a vigilante, this wouldn't be a problem.
Tesseract Seraph: What, and work outside the law? Alone? I won't do much. The Hunters won't take me in, I've got nothingfor them.
Ius Iuris: hey, I'm still around. You won't exactly be alone.
Tesseract Seraph: *uncurls and looks up at Oannes* But how much do you think we could really do?
Ius Iuris: *deadpan* How much did it really do when Kennedy got shot?
Ius Iuris: All it takes is the right target. :D
Tesseract Seraph: ...That's true. I'd argue Kennedy, though. Conspiracies, and all.
Ius Iuris: but it changed a lot.
Tesseract Seraph: It did, that's true.
Tesseract Seraph: *looks down at the floor* I can't keep doing this, Misha. And I can't run away.
Ius Iuris: so stop doing it. Isn't that easy enough? Stop doing it. Stop chasing ideals you can't reach right now, and learn to live again. All you're doing now is /surviving/. What kind of example does that set for Melissa? Look what it's doing to your health.
Tesseract Seraph: So? I have a job to do. If I step down...lord. Can you imagine the inquest? I'm already a traitor; who else knows what they might find on my record. I'm not even a fraction as pure as I aspire to be. Or aspired. It doesn't matter anymore. I have a /job/.
Ius Iuris: Your job is not your life.
Ius Iuris: Your job cannot raise your little girl.
Ius Iuris: You are -not- your job, Adrian.
Tesseract Seraph: *looks down*
Ius Iuris: Records and inquests are worthless. Meaningless. It's all paper and nonsense, there's nothing there, no feeling, no hope, no life. With your family there is. With you, there is. Maybe a balance can be struck, but maybe you need to take a step back. It's high time you find yourself a touchstone and actually use it. When was the last time you bothered to try to let go?
like this, not this way.
Tesseract Seraph: *very quiet, and very scared* What did I want, then, Misha?
Ius Iuris: I'm no ESPer. But .. I think what you wanted was a way to make a difference. To show the world that maybe justice does exist, that maybe governments don't have to be corrupt. That maybe there is a diamond in the rough.
Tesseract Seraph: And don't I have that...now?
Ius Iuris: No.
Tesseract Seraph: /Why/?
Ius Iuris: Because you feel you didn't earn it.
Tesseract Seraph: *is silent*
Ius Iuris: Because you don't think you earned it, you set a higher standard than is humanly possible, to prove that you did earn it, that you can do it, when you're already going above and beyond. Because of that, what you wanted has become a hated burden.
Tesseract Seraph: ...
Ius Iuris: What you've earned, little brother ... is a little rest, for a little while.
Ius Iuris: You're fighting a battle you don't think you're ready for.
Ius Iuris: So wait until you are.
Tesseract Seraph: *in a very small voice* ...I don't have that time.
Ius Iuris: You are very young, Adrian. Very young. There is time yet.
Ius Iuris: well. Young in the 'grand scheme of things', as it's been put.
Ius Iuris: There's time yet to do other things first.
Tesseract Seraph: ...No, there's /not/ time. I'm /dying/, Misha. Think about that a moment--I have, at /best/, another year. If what I'm told is correct. I don't /have/ that time; it's not just being unable to lay the burden down, it's that the time isn't /there/.
Tesseract Seraph: *frightened* And I swear to God I'm not going under the knife again if I can help it.
Ius Iuris: You're not dying, little brother. Because I will not let you. There are ways, and not all that require a knifing.
Tesseract Seraph: *silence, then:* ...stop doing this to me.
Ius Iuris: I can't. I love you. You're the only brother I have.
Tesseract Seraph: Then why are you taking away everything I have to stand on? Everything I had to fight for? You were /gone/ for eight years, Misha! I had to learn to rely on my own decisions, on what I knew was right--and now you're telling me that, that--all of this is wrong? That my life since the beginning of the year has been one big /mistake/ founded in, in--accepting something I *thought* I wanted?
Tesseract Seraph: Something I can't hold on to, for the sake of my own health and sanity?
Ius Iuris: Am I wrong?
Ius Iuris: Sometimes, in order to repair a home one must tear down the old walls and rebuild them. Sometimes one must tear down everything to rebuild them.
Ius Iuris: If I have to break down what's killing you to make you better I'll do it. Because there is nothing worth more to me than you.
Tesseract Seraph: *whispered* Stop it. Please. I'm /scared/. I've never had a moment of stability in my life, I've never had the chance to just get something *right* and have everyone agree that I'm not screwing up for once...
Ius Iuris: Let me help. I'm not going to go away if you brush me aside. I'm not going to leave again. If you can't stand on your own, dammit let me help you.
Tesseract Seraph: ...
Ius Iuris: *quiet* I refuse to let you go, you hear me? I -refuse-.
Tesseract Seraph: *nods, once* ...I hear you.
Ius Iuris: *sighs, quietly. Sounds tired. And older than he is* Get some sleep, Adrian. You need your rest.
Tesseract Seraph: *whispers* I'm not very good at this, am I? *gets up, and sneaks off*
Ius Iuris: you are. and were. Give it time..
Tesseract Seraph: *echoes, one last time:* I don't have time. *gone*
So. That was cool. And I'm thinking of finding a way to shoehorn it into M3-IC Continuity, because curse it, it was GOOD.
A lot more emotionally charged than some scenes I've had ICly in the past, though my current run have been very, very good.
facelessmuse
