[something]: thanatos
Mar. 2nd, 2004 04:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coronaviridae"Early psychologists postulated the existence of two critical human drives--libido, the sex drive, and life-seeking impulse; and thanatos, the death drive, the drum to which humankind marches to war. One cannot exist without the other; without the balance between the two, mental illness can result--perturbation--abnormality..."
"Is that what this is all about? Is it why you sacrificed everything?"
"Maybe. It depends on our definition of 'sacrifice', and of 'everything'."
"You gave up your life for a handful of ashes and broken glass. There's your sacrifice. And your everything."
"Sacrifice makes it willing."
"Didn't you?"
"It's said that faith is knowing, when you're led into the dark, you will be shown the way. That if you're led off a cliff, there will either be a bridge, or you'll be taught how to fly. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way. Sometimes the Devil doesn't ask you to bargain your soul away--he takes it with open and eager claws. Sometimes you aren't taught how to fly. Sometimes, it's in God's plan that you fall--and die."
"And?"
"I stepped off into the dark. Do you think I lack faith?"
"Lack wisdom, maybe."
"So did Adam. You can't blame him. He didn't know--that's why he had to eat of the fruit in the first place. And knowledge and faith are opposed--he couldn't have faith in what he was told if he didn't first know what was around him. Do you see? It comes back to libido and thanatos..."
"Are you always thinking about death?"
"Why shouldn't I be? Whitening--the burning down, the reduction from something vital and massy to--shards of glass and ashes. Red turns to white. The pillar of salt. Yes, this is my being--so why shouldn't I be thinking about it? I exist--because without death in the world, there is no life. None. This is what I stepped into the dark and learned. See! I've taken on the burden of the world, I've bled, been crucified, born the sins--for what? For what? Death! That there should be opposition in all things."
"So that's why?"
"Yes. I am Thanatos. I am the death-seeking urge. But death precedes the resurrection, as faith precedes the miracle. It's nothing more than a transition--a step into that outer dark, from this world to the next. Take my hand. Trust me. See what I have found."
"Is that what this is all about? Is it why you sacrificed everything?"
"Maybe. It depends on our definition of 'sacrifice', and of 'everything'."
"You gave up your life for a handful of ashes and broken glass. There's your sacrifice. And your everything."
"Sacrifice makes it willing."
"Didn't you?"
"It's said that faith is knowing, when you're led into the dark, you will be shown the way. That if you're led off a cliff, there will either be a bridge, or you'll be taught how to fly. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way. Sometimes the Devil doesn't ask you to bargain your soul away--he takes it with open and eager claws. Sometimes you aren't taught how to fly. Sometimes, it's in God's plan that you fall--and die."
"And?"
"I stepped off into the dark. Do you think I lack faith?"
"Lack wisdom, maybe."
"So did Adam. You can't blame him. He didn't know--that's why he had to eat of the fruit in the first place. And knowledge and faith are opposed--he couldn't have faith in what he was told if he didn't first know what was around him. Do you see? It comes back to libido and thanatos..."
"Are you always thinking about death?"
"Why shouldn't I be? Whitening--the burning down, the reduction from something vital and massy to--shards of glass and ashes. Red turns to white. The pillar of salt. Yes, this is my being--so why shouldn't I be thinking about it? I exist--because without death in the world, there is no life. None. This is what I stepped into the dark and learned. See! I've taken on the burden of the world, I've bled, been crucified, born the sins--for what? For what? Death! That there should be opposition in all things."
"So that's why?"
"Yes. I am Thanatos. I am the death-seeking urge. But death precedes the resurrection, as faith precedes the miracle. It's nothing more than a transition--a step into that outer dark, from this world to the next. Take my hand. Trust me. See what I have found."
